I don't know you
I said there would be changes in a post I made a few months ago. Here you go world, I'm finally ready to let go of my dad. Took way too long but I know it's never easy if you had a relationship with someone.
Chances are he will never see this (he's more focused on other things and never dives online) and this is kind of my signal to the world and maybe someone who also had this same thing happen can join in solidarity. As an ode to the kids of addict parents who never changes so we had to bear the burden of not having that parent in their lives anymore. We also bear the burden of everyone around us telling us that we should always want to love our parents.
To give the long and short end, my dad is an addict. Major addict for pretty much any addiction minus gambling. Cheating as well, he LOVES that. Foreshadowing to the obvious, messy divorce that resulted from his infidelity.
Once upon a time, I was very close with him. We would talk every day. I didn't realizes growing up until much later how sick my dad was and how much his actions were affecting my mom. The last straw was the cheating and how he treated the family in general. Personally, I wish my mom left sooner but we all seem to have this idea to force things to work from a bad marriage to toxic friendships because the alternative is the long process of separation, which is never fun either, but the other side is greener.
The last couple of weeks were a final straw for me. He went to rehab again. We are all pretty much done with him now. This is the final time.
Then he got out and saw him again a week after. He's the same. He didn't change. I know being "sober" will be temporary. He will slip back.
What even more damning is how little he cares about any of us. I sat there having to tell him how I'm doing and feeling. He never asked because I don't exist in his world anymore. We are strangers who happen to be related. Anything regarding his plans to stay sober and what he learned was like talking to a wall. He has no plans. So that translates to no plans to keep it up. We have been down this road before so many times with the same result each time.
So 2026, along with my unhappy/liberating new year's resolutions, is letting go. The slow-ish process of untangling my life I have left with him which is not much but will take some time.
I'm done. There is no relationship left. There may be a chance someday but it's not today.
I'm starting to write poetry so here is one I just put together on the spot. Its not a good poem, this is my third one so far.
I don't know you.
You sit near me, trying to talk to you until my face turns blue.
I don't know you.
Telling me things you're doing, thinking, feeling, that are not true.
I don't know you.
Pretending I don't see the real you, like I'm the fool.
I don't know you.
Go home as you run, I'll pay the bill, I'm done. I don't want you around too.