I wish I didn't feel any kind of romantic love AT ALL
I'm trying to find someone and so far I tried a few speed dating events and online but its like I'm hitting a brick wall. I just don't know how to reach people. It's very frustrating and I wish I didn't want a romantic relationship. Why can't it just be fine now with all the wonderful things I have? I've been telling myself to emotionally cut myself off. Like take all my romantic wants and stuff them into a jar and throw it out. Don't feel anything for another person. Platonic love and all that, I got it in droves. So, I've been telling myself romance is for other people and it's never going to last anyway, so why chase something so pointless? I may continue to stuff things down because people are incredible painful and cruel as they treat romance like it's a joke or a "game". I cannot express how much I absolutely hate how people call it a game. For people it makes them cry at night. Yet there are times I wish I can buy someone flowers on a random day just to tell them I love them. I don't think that will happen and I wish I didn't care.