Trying to Date after 8 years
I know haha, its Valentines Day in the USA and yes its not lost on me at all how funny the timing is. In the last few months I started to try dating again but I feel like the obstacles around it are a lot bigger then we realize. For one, online dating does NOT work. Its all paywalls, spam, scams, and people who really don't seem to be there to date at all. The in-person routes are complex but are much more agreeable. You have friends but they may know someone, but it seems my friends really don't know that many single people who are emotionally available to date. I do not blame them as their own lives like mine are so freaking busy, its hard to find time to know what's even going on. Then you just have people who really don't even know what they want. So you go on a date, talk, then that's it. I've been trying to understand what the real barrier people are up against and of course its ourselves. We are so cut off, emotionally stunted from the last few years, and unable to just DO something. So many risks.
Yes, there are risks. Every time I walk out my door to go to work maybe I won't come home that day because something happened. The last two years, I had to make extreme changes to my life because I don't want to be what we all became 5 years after the world hit us like a ton of bricks. Too stuck and unwilling to change. Because we all became so deeply afraid of the world. I do not mean to be overdramatic, but I truly believe 2020 changes us more then we believed it did.
That may be my problem because I'm deeply uninterested in remaining the same for too long and people want a stable unchanging person. I can't do that. I have to keep pushing myself. I hope I don't sound like a stupid podcast (you know the ones I'm talking about). I mean challenging myself emotionally and mentally. Finally coming to terms and finding ways to not only be a better person but also a better friend, family-member, sibling, etc. I'm doing things I never thought in a million years I would do.
The problem is how to make that all come across in a date or speed dating event. I'll keep trying but honestly being single is pretty rewarding. I'm glad today people understand that being in a romantic relationship is not the only important thing. It's something that can be wonderful, but we can also value friends and family just as much.
I'm rambling but telling people this stuff is hard because a lot of people still see me having a hard time wanting a romantic relationship as strange. Yes, I've been called that. Or a red flag for feeling disembodied for finding romance itself bizarre and alien. It took me 8 years to finally be interested enough to try. I'll see how it goes but I may never want to find a romantic partner. It's just too strange.